Looming

Dark clouds are looming. I sense it. From the frequency of the dreams. It’s not that bad because I have to try to remember them. What I cannot remember is safely out of mind. Except that they’re still there, somewhere in the deep, dark abysses or right above my head full of headaches. I think I cannot escape it. Somehow, it will catch up someday. And the writing is bad. It is getting harder and harder, and all those words, sentences, paragraphs – just a job. And in the end, after all the lunch-ins, all the meetings, all that staring at the screen, I don’t know what I’m writing about, who I’m writing for and if it does any good at all. Happiness, for me, in this life, will always be contrived. It is impossible. And nobody will ever, ever want to live with someone so flawed, so unhappy, so incapable of enjoying life. I think, I am thinking, that it might be better to just snooze and not wake up.

Filed under: belljar, dreams